At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
