I have demons in me.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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