If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
