thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
