I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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