Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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