just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
