hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
