What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
accomplished twins. life is a go
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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