i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
