so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
