Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
