i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
