This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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