i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
