he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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