Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
