Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
