On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
