oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
