just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
