After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
