Already got asked if we're dating
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
