I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
