i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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