Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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