don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
