dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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