You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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