fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
