Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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