I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The struggles of a small town man whore
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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