yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you still have your period?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
