If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
