He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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