Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
