He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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