I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
