Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
