I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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