Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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