I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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