Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
