It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
