How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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