I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
