Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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