You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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