Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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