this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
