If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
