I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
