im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
