Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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